Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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