i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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