I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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