I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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