Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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