i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
