I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
