I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
