Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
