Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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