I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
