Christians are straight up FREAKS
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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