She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
