So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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