I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
