Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
