anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
