I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
