Plan B is the new Plan A
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
