Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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