I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
