umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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