it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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