it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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