I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I will be naked everywhere
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I wear drunk well.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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