I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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