1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
