I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
