he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
FUCK WHALES
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