im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
