btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
