I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
