the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
