He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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