I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
