quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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