So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
