My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
