you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
