Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
