i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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