look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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