I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
