i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
