im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he quoted the bible to break up with me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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