so that wasnt chicken after all
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's blow job season.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
