Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
