If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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