Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
