Need sex. Gaining weight.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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