Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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