who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
